What does it mean to be courageous?
Beverly Hills, California
late April
I’ve been trying to talk myself into doing something courageous. Except I can’t figure out what that means. I have spent a lot of time being trying to be brave, leaping before looking, but I don’t think that’s the same thing as being courageous.
Bravery has bravado and hubris. Bravery wants to relieve the tension. Bravery needs to be seen. But, courage? Courage does not need or want. Courage can be quiet. Courage has patience. Courage just is.
Or is it?
There is a clip floating around social media with expert on archetypes Caroline Myss explaining the difference between fantasy and intuition.
The first time this clip appeared in my feed, I was deep, dark place. I swiped away.
The second time it appeared, I was on the other side of something. So I listened — and it triggered me.
In the clip the interviewer asks, “How do you know when it’s truly intuition and not just wishful thinking?” and Myss responds, “Intuition makes you feel uncomfortable. Fantasy doesn’t.”
I watched the clip several times as I rolled those words around my mouth. “Intuition makes you feel uncomfortable. Fantasy doesn’t.”
It sounded true. But what kind of “uncomfortable” was she referring to?
The discomfort that comes from taking action? Or the discomfort that comes from not taking action?
I have a habit of making myself uncomfortable, putting myself through discomfort. Traveling solo, documenting police violence, speaking my truth, running for politics. None of these are comfortable things to do — but they did come with a package of courage.
But even with that courage, I still had to push myself. A lot.
I think that’s what we call bravery — fabricating courage after we have run out.
Bravery, which I equated above with hubris and bravado, is not a bad thing. We need it to get us through sometimes. But maybe building bravery from scratch — building bravery where courage was never present — is not the best idea.
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