I tried to delete my entire Substack account. Twice. Both times I received an “error” message. Now here I am. Back with the Nazis.
The problem is with Nazis, even if you ignore them, they don’t go away. They don’t stop being Nazis because you’re not looking at them or are no longer sharing an online blogging cum talk show platform with them.
Nazis keep Nazi-ing with or without you being privy to their merry, little, horrific anti-life ways.
This recognition leads to the natural conclusion that I must return to Substack. I can have an open source, nonprofit blog once I’m famous. Today, I relinquish myself to the algorithm.
Take me. Please, take me.
To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.
Joan Didion
I am kidding about wanting to throw myself at the algorithm. Mostly. I am back here because I am giving up the need. I’ve stopped seeking external validation.
Or, rather, I’ve stopped living with the tyranny of what if. I’ve given up the guilt and self-hatred that leads me to second guess every choice I make when I don’t receive the validation I desire.
This may be the closest to enlightenment I can be without giving up on my desire—
To accept the choices I’ve made as the right choices.
To be free from regret, guilt and shame.
To know my wholeness in every moment.
The whole premise of the Multiverse is “What if?”
All possible outcomes exist.
The Multiverse is a perpetual what if. The Multiverse is infinity what ifs where each choice made activates a new parallel world.
For some, it may be calming to know that somewhere there is another version of them living out the choices they didn’t make.
I do not find this calming. I find this horrifying.
This horror is firmly rooted in my belief of right and wrong—that there are right choices and wrong choices, good choices and bad choices.
This belief has haunted me, made me wish to be different again and again. What if? What if? What if?
What if there were only choices, not good or bad, just choices? What if there was only one outcome? What if the present moment we are living in and experiencing is the thing we need to focus on, instead of the What if?
What if we slowed down to meet ourselves?
What if I decided that my choice was the right choice—simply because I chose it. Fully. What if?
What if?
Life is such a gift.
There is no need to waste it on what ifs.
Thanks to The Foolio for writing about why she chose to stay on Substack. Knowing you helps keep me grounded in this timeline. Thank you.
Love this enlightenment for you. I remember talking to you about choices at Venice Beach. I believe every choice is exactly what you’re capable of choosing in that moment of existence, hence why it’s meant to be. Love you! ❤️
Aww welcome back :) Love you!!